Written by Will & Odette Hooks
In light of the recent revelations involving former American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino, who has found herself at the center of a scandal involving lies, sex tapes, and a married man. We focus on the sanctity of Marriage. Does a ring, vows, and “I Do” mean off limits? Sadly that’s not always the case, there are still people who simply refuse to update their status and continue as it were to “sow their royal oats.” Even today we find people who hold nothing sacred but continue to pursue a person knowing full well of their marital status.
Will : In the case of Fantasia, I am split between two opinions. On one hand, my heart goes out to her, thinking, she had found love only to discover heartache, pain and embarrassment. Yet, on the other hand, I am completely amazed she fell “hook line and sinker” for the ole “I’m married, but we’re separated” routine from her love interest without so much as a thread of evidence to support his claim. Immediately questions come to mind. Why of all the single men did Ms. Berrino settle on one that had strings attached, which she in part was aware of? What did he bring to the table that made him the prime candidate to win her heart? At the end of the day we’re not talking about Fantasia at all, everyone makes mistakes at some point in time. Unfortunately, Fantasia just happens to be the face of this particular issue. The real issue is about the countless women albeit gullible at times, which start a relationship with their eyes wide shut.
Odette: Will, good questions. When I was single in the dating world, I required that a man bring something to the table. It only took one time for me to play the fool and that was more than enough for me. I made it my business to do my homework, even when it came to you.
Will: Aren’t you glad you did? (Rhetorical) I’m sure there are women that will raise the question of why won’t a man just be upfront and honest from the start? That’s an easy and yet a complicated question, so here’s my take. First, what was his motive from the start? (To maybe, one day, find love or to simply have sex.) Second, most women don’t require anything of a man, in other words there are no standards which must be met. For every woman that has standards and respect for herself, there are ten that don’t. Most men are fishing for the ten easy catch’s, which require little to no effort to land in the bed, those include the “ Yo baby, what’s up? the “A lil Shawty”, or the “A Lil Mama let me holla at’cha”. Let’s not get it twisted, to think that Fantasia’s predicament is an isolated situation.
Odette: No, it’s not. I have encountered several women in situations similar to Fantasia’s and it’s amazing that they tell themselves “He really loves me,” He’s going to leave his wife,” She does not satisfy him,” or the famous, He’s just staying for the kids sake.” Come on ladies, you’re killing me. I guess it’s true, “if you can get in the mind of a person, you have access to everything else.” I happen to catch a show on Oprah about single women having relationships with married men. One woman caught my attention with her reasoning as to why her “forbidden fruit” was with her. She said he told her his wife was beautiful and a wonderful person. Therefore, she reasoned that she must be more beautiful and more wonderful than his wife. Her understanding of the situation blew me away. So, what makes Fantasia’s reasoning any different?
Will: I just want to know what the hell is wrong with women? If he left his wife for you, what makes you think he won’t leave you for someone else? Consider for example Tiger Woods, Jessie James, and most notably former senator and presidential candidate John Edwards who was caught up in an illicit affair. The world knew his status and so to did his lover and yet he wasn’t off limits in her eyes, maybe because he wasn’t happy in his marriage, or so he said, although being unhappy didn’t change his status he was still married. Marriage is what you make of it and the value you place upon it determines what is and is not sacred in your heart. The world doesn’t know your status until you make it known. What you permit will reveal what you will accept. In the work place each person’s status is more commonly known. However, your character and demeanor while on the job will clearly display if you are faithful to your status or if you’re a ripe piece of forbidden fruit waiting to be plucked and devoured. Being married is no exception.
Odette: Wow… Marriage? Scared? I really do not believe that most people think of marriage as scared. I like to think most see it as a beneficial roommate or well organized sleeping arrangements. Remember when I was a wedding coordinator and somehow became the “Counselor?” I was amazed at both the man and woman, saying to me, “Well, we’re going to try this thing, if it works out, it works out and if not, we’ll just get divorced.” I was petrified in my thoughts because, with this attitude, I knew the union would one day end in divorce.
When it comes to being involved with a married man or woman, the answer should be a firm “NO” from both perspectives. The word “No” suggests restrictions, limitations, boundaries and barriers; yet there are still individuals who act as though “No” does not apply to them as it does universally to everyone else. Our advice to women is to learn from Fantasia’s mistake and consider a man’s words false until he can prove or provide truth.